Yes, breaking up with someone is never easy. The ties you both have bonded together are hard to undo. But growing up has to happen and at times, it means growing apart. It would have been easy if both of you grew your separate ways. But what if you have grown and your girlfriend still clings to a past you just can’t live with?
Learned this the hard way. Awhile back, I met a girl on a website named justhookup.com. Little did I know I met one of the only women on that whole site, as a recent review of justhookup from meeting-women-online.com available here outlines the site as a complete illegit scam. Anyways – I did date this girl for awhile, and after breaking up with her, she spray painted my car, broke into my house and tried to set fire to my shed. That got me thinkging about the way I break up with women (not to mention the selection process by which I choose women and the websites I join …). Still the perpetual question that was raised by this whole thing is … how can you then break it all up without so much drama?
This is a million dollar question and the answers are rarely definite. But here are some helpful tips that will help you on this quest.
- Be certain that you really want to break up. One thing that will trigger a girlfriend to hold on is your uncertainty of breaking up. Smelling one drop of doubt from you will give your girlfriend hope to still make the relationship work. So think and think hard. Don’t let emotion guide you on this decision although relationships are often guided with mixed emotions.
- Don’t use technology to send your break up message. Man up and tell her face to face. There might be some crying or throwing of hurtful words but as soon as it’s out and clear, everything will simmer down. Just go through it and let all emotions flow. Time will eventually help ease her pain and both of you can move on.
- Choose a comfortable place to break up. Don’t break up with her while having a coffee. This might be ideal to do in her porch, just outside her house or apartment. This way, when turbulence have pass, you can take your leave quickly.
- Be honest. Don’t say “It’s not you, it’s me” because it does not sound like you are being truthful about the reason of the break up. Don’t use breakup cliches. If you don’t have feelings anymore, just tell her. Don’t make up something just to turn her off. Just be honest and tell her the truth that you no long feel the same way about her. This might be hard if you have met someone new but it would still be better that she knew from you firsthand than finding out later.
- Don’t prolong the agony. Let her pour out all emotions. Listen to all her hurts. But when it’s time to go, you have to go. Don’t spend a “last intimate moment” with her.
- Be humble throughout the experience. Say sorry if you have to. If she throws a tantrum, just let her. Be kind but always remember to be firm with your decision. Don’t change your mind just because you feel pity.
- While you are on a rush to go, don’t make her feel as though you are in a rush. One thing you don’t want to do is add more insult. You already dump her; you don’t want to make her feel more insulted by rushing somewhere else after you told her you want it over. Stay a while to listen to her woes and let her slap you a bit.
- Don’t give her any false hope. Once you have said your piece, don’t offer comfort by telling her you can still be friends because you really can’t, not right away. You have to really severe the ties. If you have the same circle of friends, try to put some distance and not hang with them for a while. You have to let time ease everything up.
At the end of the day, you have to ensure you have severe the ties and keep it severed for a while. This is a very awkward and hard situation to go through but being firm about the break up will prevent more drama (especially on FB) in the future. Just one time lashing and you are done.